Relive, or Relieve?
Updated: Sep 6, 2019
"Holding on doesn't make us strong if it isn't the right thing to do. Letting go doesn't do any good if you don't realize the relief it gave you."
At some point of time in life, we all have faced situations that left a huge impact, good or bad.
If it was bad, we tend to reel back into pain whenever we face hardship later. Otherwise, we just forget to remember the fact that we were blessed with something good. In other words, when we experience something bad, we hold onto it, latching our emotions to it and letting the scars affect our present, but when a good thing happens to us, we forget to be grateful or don't consider it later when we are supposed to.
Either way, we relive the bad moments while being ungrateful for the good ones.
We relive the bad memories and ruin the present, instead of relieving ourselves from it.
Is it because of the insecurities that followed?
The equally painful consequences that came after?
Or the habituation of the existence of pain?
In my case, I've accepted all three cases to be my reasons for hanging on to the pain, and letting the damage caused then, ruin my present today, by haunting my mind.
As you probably already know from my previous posts, I was severely bullied when I was in Elementary and Middle school.
Though things turned worse everyday, I had one friend who stood by me through all of that struggle. A friend who defended me and made me stronger by the day. She was one of the reasons why I didn't let my insecurities get to me because she taught me how to be independent and confident, despite the worst of days and torture.
We were inseparable, and invincible together. The irony is, that the same things she defended me and made me strong against, were the same reasons that lead to her death. I cannot elaborate on why she passed away, with respect and love for her. Although, it was extremely hard to let her go. Up until two years ago, I mourned and grieved every year on the day she passed away, it was also the same day as her birthday.
One day, I was cleaning out my old things from my house after I got married, and found a letter. It was a letter that she had given to me for my birthday before she died.
"There may be days when we will be apart, or find difficulty in meeting each other. We might miss each other so terribly, but get caught up in our lives so much that we don't find time to meet. I care about you so much, and it breaks my heart to even think about such a time coming into our lives one day. But we can't be by each others side forever right? I can't always be next to you to defend you when someone does something bad to you, or wipe your tears when you're going through a hard time. I'll always be with you in spirit though, and definitely have your back whenever you need me. I'll just be a call away. Anyway, don't freak out, I'm not moving or anything hehe. I just want you to know, that you're a strong and beautiful person. Both inside and out. I want you to always be that way, even if I'm not around. I know you can be better, and stronger, because you don't need someone to be so in the first place. I just gave you a push when things got bad, you became better on your own. I know that you'll feel a little out of place, and miss me so much that you'll grab a plane or drive off to me often if we do (God forbid) become apart. I mean I know there's a lot of time for that, and that we're only in middle school to think so deeply about it. I just want to let you know that I love you, and will always be your best friend, no matter what happens. Just be yourself, be happy, and be the beautiful soul I know. I'm sure, all those people who hurt you or misjudged you will come around once they get to know the real you. Even if they don't, it doesn't matter. It's your life, and I'm sure you have enough loved ones around you to look forward to even after the worst of days. Including me! This letter is getting a little long, sorry. Happy Birthday!"
She was quite mature for her age wasn't she?
I never shared about this letter with ANYONE in my life. It always stayed in my box, and I opened it on her birthday to read, and miss her even more. This time, when I read the letter, I didn't cry. Even though I felt a little emotional, and missed her as usual, I didn't feel pain.
I could have mourned, because the bullying was worse after she left, and it made a mark that lead to a bunch of insecurities that I still hold onto sometimes. I could have rushed back to the time when I got the news about her passing, and feel nothing but pain.
But I didn't.
That doesn't mean I'm not a good friend right? It doesn't mean that I don't care about her. It just means that I let go of all the negative emotions, and embraced the good ones I had with her when she was alive. I've accepted life that way, and as she said, I have loved ones that I look forward to being with, and sharing my experiences with even after the worst of days that come.
My point is, whenever something bad happens in your life, it definitely will leave an impact. You should be surprised if it doesn't. But, you shouldn't let yourself, and your emotions to hang onto it to the point where it affects your present. If that does happen, then all you're doing is dragging excess baggage and hanging on to dear life. Letting go of it all, doesn't mean that it never mattered.
If someone hurt you in the past, it's okay to forgive them. Especially if they realize their mistakes. If not, then still forgive them, and move on from it. What's the worst that could happen? You let go of the painful and negative emotions for them, and move on in life! That's it.
Blaming them for your failures, or making them feel guilty about their deeds is as wrong as their mistake they committed towards you. It won't do you or them any good that way now, will it?
If you've hurt someone on the other hand, then accept your mistake. Let them know that you want a closure, and move on. You can't change or alter their decision in forgiving you or not. But, letting them know and accepting your mistake gives you a relief. The worst thing that could happen in this case, is that they don't forgive you, that's all. At least you'll have the satisfaction of letting out your guilt. Right?
We are so habituated to pain, through music, poetry, films, and some even find pleasure in keeping that pain and exposing themselves with it. With all due respect, that is fine. Although, if others' lives are being meddled with while you suffer through that pain, then it's time to rethink about your choices.
Some of us, including myself until a point of time, have been so habituated with being hurt, that it becomes difficult to move on, as insecurities of uncertainty dwell into our minds. Preventing us from being happy, or relieving us from the burden. Why can't it be the other way around? As yourself, and if you have a valid answer, then go ahead, but if you don't, then why not try to be happy for once? Don't you deserve relief? Doesn't everyone deserve it? Then why hold yourself back?
It's just better to live life with the relief of letting all the burdens go, than to relive them again and ruin your mental and physical stability. Don't you agree?
So which one will you choose?
Relive, or Relieve?
You can share your experiences and opinions about this in the comments, I'm all here and all ears!
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